newspapercrane

.@official_PAX Shut up and take my money. #PAXiscoming

"Have you ever screwed a jar of bad mayo??? it is NOT fun!" Work is fun today.

"The Juggernaut Bitch" would also be acceptable.

Amazon needs to stop having pathfinder books for so cheap. #broke

And a shoop da whoop...

And I never mean it.

AND MY AXE!

Anyone @team9000 want to play some borderlands tonight?

Apple's newest commercial implies that everyone has the same size hand. #thinkdifferent

Are we done pretending Jeff Dunham is funny?

Awww he'll no... It's snowing.

Awwww... here goes!

Be as the frog in the pond: don't seek the fly, the fly will come to you.

Be careful what you do... because the lie becomes the truth.

BEARD, n. The hair that is commonly cut off by those who justly execrate the absurd Chinese custom of shaving the head.

Because Criminals always follow the laws...

Benefits fair at work = Swag City.

Best fortune ever... http://t.co/Sq8YEnKr

Beyonce performing at the Superbowl half time? Looks like I need to start planning how I'm going to spend those 30mins of my life.

Children, Just Say No to making thermite, even though it will absolutely definitely instantly make you the most popular kid in school.

Dear @netflix please hand Joss Whedon a stack of money so we can have more Firefly episodes. Then shut up and take my $$$ Sincerely, Crane

Dear Borderlands 2: why can't you be today?

Dear California: Hide your kids, hide your wives. I'mma be there next month.

Dear Excel: Fuck you. Dear SharePoint: Keep on doin' your thing man.

Dear Friday, I've missed you, we should do this more often. Like two or three times a week. At least.Sincerely, Crane